After what i've learnt in school, designing garments, drafting patterns, sculpting fabrics, creating works of art, i realized that one day, i'll have to put this skills to good use. After years of practice, working with creative people, experimenting new techniques and absorbing new knowledge, i grew stronger, i evolved.
I never was the cool kid or the teacher's pet in school. I was the class clown in school since young, always up to mischief, playing pranks on other school kids and just basically making a fool out of myself. I wasn't exactly well-liked because almost half the class had their chairs pulled back by me and they sat flat on the floors. I wasn't exactly popular either and if i was, it's definitely for the wrong reasons. I wanted attention. I wanted love. I wanted to be accepted. And as a result, i clown around for people to laugh at and mock at for their entertainment.
I grew up in a christian family. I went to sunday schools, read the bible, sing praises and go on mission trips with my parents and siblings, nothing out of the box, nothing fancy. My dad and mom just made sure i had everything i need to grow up. They provided me with food, shelter, toys, books, tuition, bring me out occasionally to watch a movie and buy me ice-cream. They were very strict too, as a kid i had curfews, had to be back home immediately after school. No soccer, no dinner with friends, no staying over, no nothing, come home straight.
Despite the love they showered me with, there were many conditions and rules to obey. Dad got busier at work, so we seldom eat together. Mom became angry and that sometimes she vents her anger on us. She would get angry very easily. Soon, they grew a bit violent. I recalled that dad once whipped me with his belt because i borrowed colour pencils from my friend and that mom used to cane me a lot because i sucked at chinese spelling. Another time, mom threatened to throw me down the block if i couldn't pass my spelling and she threw my school bag out of the house. Dad used to be my hero, he would come home and tell mom off and he would try to convince her not to use the cane. It's a matter of time, that mom got back to her old ways of "discipline" and dad got tired of talking and mom just kept on caning and screaming. The house was in a huge chaos. No one felt loved, everyone feel depreciated and lost.
I grew up, learning that only i have the power to change my destiny and that only i can trust myself and that i am the only sole reason that i should work for. My childhood and life experience had made me who i am today. I don't think i was ever told that i was a good child or receive any form of praise, for that matter of fact, i was only told how useless and stupid i was.
In the last few years, i could tell that mom and dad realized their mistakes and tried to compensate the "lost" and "mistreatment" by telling me that they care for me and they want the best for me and all. To me, that was all pointless already. I mean it's really good to know that they actually do care now but the damage is done and it's been so long, why now?
Nevertheless, i still appreciate the fact that they actually, finally, shone some form of love and concern. I was reminded not to take anyone around me for granted and never to put someone down. I know that they care for me, i know they loved me but all i wanted was a simple ordinary family without all this drama.
Yes, i'm just an ordinary kid but i have extraordinary dreams. Dreams existed in my world the day i felt "unwanted". Dreams grew bigger and stronger when someone puts me down. It grew more beautiful and more resilient in the face of reality's harsh conditions.
I fought hard and expressed hope and love in the works of my art. I could draw pretty well since the age of 4. I had all my drawings pinned on the classroom board during my kindergarten days. I felt so proud of myself. Every single time i draw or create something, it took away the pain. The pain of rejection and immediately, I felt accepted. I'll like to think that god blessed me with this ability to draw and my artistic talent for a higher purpose and probably, it's his way of consoling me that i could be alright as long as i believed in myself and my art? Maybe, he knew that all this was coming and that i must stay firm in my dreams. I don't know.
I just want to do what i like. Now that i have all this skills and that i have reached a whole new level of evolution, i think i'm ready for the big race. The real race in life. I know that i've to overcome a lot but i know i will succeed in the end. No matter how hard the race gets, i am ready for it, physically, emotionally and artistically.
Let the race begin.
