You know the feeling of awaking into a new feeling, not in a good way but waking up feeling tired and with the thought that life could be more meaningful, more treasured? It's almost like spring the day before but suddenly when i awake from my slumber, it's already winter. The world's covered in snow.
Somehow, as i stare out of my window, i realized that how quiet and serene the world can be during winter. I finally came out for a walk. Everyone around is protected by warm knitted garments, feeling all cosy and wrapped like a hug. The people warm their hearts by drinking hot tea, as their lips kissed on the porcelain cup. As i see couples strolling down the white-washed streets, they held their hands together, their fingers intercrossed.
I turned away, looking back towards my home, my heart, suddenly hollowed.
I could not understand. Did i sleep too long to pass the seasons, or i just had my mind on too many things, too many worries, how tos, maybes and forgot how to enjoy through the other seasons? I think i was stuck somehow, somewhere, not sure why. Like i recalled, losing a huge part of myself, refusing to remember what and who it was. It felt like, i've just lock this part of me and threw the key away, not wanting any of those memories to resurface. Don't ask me why can't i throw them away. It's a part of me.
I stand, 3 feet away from my door. I stood there sliently for a while with my eyes tightly closed and as i felt the cold breeze in my face, i slowly ease and opened my eyes. I see this sparkly flares, little shimmering dusts while opening mid way. My eyes squint a little as i held my head high staring in the face of the sun. I smiled.
As i turned to look down from the sun, i let out a huge sigh, still smiling. Acceptance. The sun warmed my soul. I recalled that it has always been there, regardless. Through the hard times, the good times, it has and will be there, unless the world comes to an end. I know that i can rely on the sun after the rain, during the cold winter and after the isolation in the house. It's just about whether, i am willing to take that step out towards it that makes my life light up.
I turned to the pile of snow and remembered a phrase, it goes, "If life gives you lemons, make the best lemonade out of them." I chuckled as i walk towards the pile of white and started sculpting. I made castles, unicorns, snowmen and bears. Created a dreamland, my winter wonderland. It took me the entire day, i was exhausted but it was all worthwhile. The people around the district came around my place, took pictures and exclaimed about how much they've love my masterpiece. Instantly, i brought life to the town that winter. I was glad, in fact, extremely happy.
Quickly, Spring sprung suddenly.
My "dreams" melted away slowly. The white will be washed. The flowers and leaves will grow. The sun will still shine but the winter will go. As i look out from my window, day by day, the surrounding blossomed, in my heart, i secretly wished for winter.
I love you.
