I don't want to look back when i am all old and wrinkled only to regret the choices i have made for myself as a teenager. As fickle-minded for someone like me, i wanted to be everything and have my hands on every single possible job, i wanted to try, to experiment, to finally know what is really for me. I thought i've found my purpose in life and i thought i was ready to take off. But it seems like, life is constantly changing, constantly unsure and unpredictable. It's like waiting for an episode of "life" to upload before you can actually react to what's happening.
Well, after so many hurdles in life, i have come to terms with how it can be so cruel to you at one point and at another to be so comforting and uplifting. It's like a hot and cold thing going on and it can sometimes drives me crazy.
I keep asking myself questions like, why are we even created? And what purpose do we have on this earth when our final destination in life is, death. We do not live to die, right? And that is why, probably, religion is created. Was it even real to begin with? No one has proof, no one is standing up for what they believe in anymore. Everything is unstable and pretentious.
There are so many things in life that i am dying to discover. I'm not sure if i can live till that day to see this earth crumble before my very eyes. To see god, descend from heaven on judgement day. To see the end of war and the birth of eternal peace.
You know, sometimes, it is so much easier to just not care and quit. But it's just too sad.
I finally understand why some people chose end their life. Cause living can be quite a chore and after a while, you don't even know what the heck you're living for. Money? Fame? Love? All this do not last, you know it. But you still want it and you don't know why. Cause everyone is after these? Like someone has an iphone makes you want to get one too? When someone is popular and famous, it makes you think that, hey, i can be and i want to be like that person. But you know, all this, cannot be forever. The ones with unanswered prayers are people who have given up trying.
These people have nothing. No goals, no dreams. Even if they do have, or rather once had, they've given up. They are jaded. No one is listening. No one cares. How depressing.
I want to help these people, even at the expense of my own time and energy. Because the world really is not that dull, i chose to believe that it is not that heartless. It's the environment and people that you're with. More importantly, it is all in the mind. I know i can't save the entire world and i only chose to help those who really want to help themselves.
Everyone at a certain point in life, can get a little selfish and self-absorbed. We cannot blame them for it. It is the better for themselves, to protect their interest and to somewhat put up a front or a motive behind why they are like that. It can be disgusting, yes, but like animals, we all fight for survival. I hate to say this, but it's a dog eat dog society out there. The battle of the fittest, the strongest shall prevail.
Without support, without a team of strong fighters, your herd would probably be eliminated by your enemies. I hope to build a strong team, a group of excellent fighters, each skilled in their own area of specialty. A fortress for all potential talents to be nurtured and moulded.
Mixing around with like-minded people makes me feel great. It empowers me as an individual.
And i also think that once in a while, it's good to have some pressure, so one can be stronger and more resilient during crunch time.
As the days go pass, i am slowly discovering and unraveling the answers to life. You have one time to be young, to live a fabulous life, love someone, love life, dance till you die, be young forever. Smile at every mistake you make, because there is still time to change. Learn to ignore people's bad comments on what you personally believe in because sometimes, they just want to get you down and out. Stand up strong and fight like you're young.
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