北极熊。

世界上的人都在追逐爱情，可是爱情就跟北极熊一样，

隔着镜头，觉得它很可爱，

实际靠近它，被它狠狠踩过一脚，就知道什么叫做痛到想死。

风信子的花语：當它枯萎死了，再次開花的方法

风信子的答案：把枯萎花，剪断，再次赋予花朵重生新生命

在面对自己感情內心 失去了或分开了，

別让自己永远活在过去, 別让过去回憶，永远牽伴着自己,

勇敢放开自己，给予自己新的生命 ,

也给予別人机會一起來参与全新的未来。

生气是好事啊，生自己的气才有改变自己的。

Love is indeed, patience.

I know that somewhere out there, you're lonely too.

Show me some kind of sign,

and let me find you.

I know how it hurts

and i am glad that we're not the only ones.

How can we learn to trust again?

How will we grow together?

I don't want my love for you to ever die.

I want to be sure that i am ready.

I want you to have the best.

I love you, so i'll wait.

While waiting,

I will learn,

I will seek truths,

I will improve on myself,

I will be perfect for you.

Let the real race begin.

After what i've learnt in school, designing garments, drafting patterns, sculpting fabrics, creating works of art, i realized that one day, i'll have to put this skills to good use. After years of practice, working with creative people, experimenting new techniques and absorbing new knowledge, i grew stronger, i evolved.

I never was the cool kid or the teacher's pet in school. I was the class clown in school since young, always up to mischief, playing pranks on other school kids and just basically making a fool out of myself. I wasn't exactly well-liked because almost half the class had their chairs pulled back by me and they sat flat on the floors. I wasn't exactly popular either and if i was, it's definitely for the wrong reasons. I wanted attention. I wanted love. I wanted to be accepted. And as a result, i clown around for people to laugh at and mock at for their entertainment.

I grew up in a christian family. I went to sunday schools, read the bible, sing praises and go on mission trips with my parents and siblings, nothing out of the box, nothing fancy. My dad and mom just made sure i had everything i need to grow up. They provided me with food, shelter, toys, books, tuition, bring me out occasionally to watch a movie and buy me ice-cream. They were very strict too, as a kid i had curfews, had to be back home immediately after school. No soccer, no dinner with friends, no staying over, no nothing, come home straight.

Despite the love they showered me with, there were many conditions and rules to obey. Dad got busier at work, so we seldom eat together. Mom became angry and that sometimes she vents her anger on us. She would get angry very easily. Soon, they grew a bit violent. I recalled that dad once whipped me with his belt because i borrowed colour pencils from my friend and that mom used to cane me a lot because i sucked at chinese spelling. Another time, mom threatened to throw me down the block if i couldn't pass my spelling and she threw my school bag out of the house. Dad used to be my hero, he would come home and tell mom off and he would try to convince her not to use the cane. It's a matter of time, that mom got back to her old ways of "discipline" and dad got tired of talking and mom just kept on caning and screaming. The house was in a huge chaos. No one felt loved, everyone feel depreciated and lost.

I grew up, learning that only i have the power to change my destiny and that only i can trust myself and that i am the only sole reason that i should work for. My childhood and life experience had made me who i am today. I don't think i was ever told that i was a good child or receive any form of praise, for that matter of fact, i was only told how useless and stupid i was.

In the last few years, i could tell that mom and dad realized their mistakes and tried to compensate the "lost" and "mistreatment" by telling me that they care for me and they want the best for me and all. To me, that was all pointless already. I mean it's really good to know that they actually do care now but the damage is done and it's been so long, why now?

Nevertheless, i still appreciate the fact that they actually, finally, shone some form of love and concern. I was reminded not to take anyone around me for granted and never to put someone down. I know that they care for me, i know they loved me but all i wanted was a simple ordinary family without all this drama.

Yes, i'm just an ordinary kid but i have extraordinary dreams. Dreams existed in my world the day i felt "unwanted". Dreams grew bigger and stronger when someone puts me down. It grew more beautiful and more resilient in the face of reality's harsh conditions.

I fought hard and expressed hope and love in the works of my art. I could draw pretty well since the age of 4. I had all my drawings pinned on the classroom board during my kindergarten days. I felt so proud of myself. Every single time i draw or create something, it took away the pain. The pain of rejection and immediately, I felt accepted. I'll like to think that god blessed me with this ability to draw and my artistic talent for a higher purpose and probably, it's his way of consoling me that i could be alright as long as i believed in myself and my art? Maybe, he knew that all this was coming and that i must stay firm in my dreams. I don't know.

I just want to do what i like. Now that i have all this skills and that i have reached a whole new level of evolution, i think i'm ready for the big race. The real race in life. I know that i've to overcome a lot but i know i will succeed in the end. No matter how hard the race gets, i am ready for it, physically, emotionally and artistically.

Let the race begin.

These Songs.

The songs of butterflies are snippets of memoirs of my life and aspirations. You must be really privileged to be that lucky few to chance upon this online journal of mine and am glad to share my views and in return i hope to inspire and bring warmth to your soul.

I will never forget the reason for the creation of this journal. It is to constantly remind myself that life is indeed wonderful, hopeful and that regardless the amount of suffering and pain and disappointments we all face, life never fails to inspire, surprise and imparts us with wisdom. As a saying goes, "Life is a great teacher but it kills all of its students." The end of life, is none other than death, something that i have recently understood and had to deal with.

Daddy died of Cancer, last year, on the 18th of April, three days ago. A year later, now, i have been constantly questioning god and trying to find those answers. I was furious, confused and extremely saddened at the fact that he is indeed not coming back. I sort of came to terms with stuff and am still growing as a person. I'm really amazed at the amount of pain a normal human being can take and that sometimes i feel that, that "pain" can be used and be converted to positive energy if one have hope, that if one still believe. I think that is why some people, choose to die whereas some lived for a higher purpose in life despite the amount of turmoils they had to put themselves through.

"I have great dreams and i am saddened at the fact that how most, artists, designers, philosophers have ended their life in the most dramatic and tragic ways. I agree, that, perhaps, the pain of being misunderstood was just too hard to bear and that the darkness and loneliness have engulfed them. Perhaps, their ideals have been overshadowed by the ugliness of reality and that giving up, might be the only way of of this chaos? Indeed, one can only speculate. But one thing for sure, these great people have all loved life with a fervent heart and a burning passion. They loved life, so much, that they constantly question, seek, spread the word, write the truths and to dream their vision of a "perfect" world. To face an undeserving and cruel crowd, who are not listening, are ready to hurl stones of condemnation at you even as you remain still and firm in your ideas, how great the disappointment must be.

Yes, indeed, unfortunately, like all love stories, expectations fail, promises are unfulfiled, and the vulnerable heart is broken. I remain doubtful about the conditions of life, but that does not mean i cannot love it. We must all be mad to embrace life and its sacrifices so intensely even though knowledge is absurd anyway and one cannot access the perfect wisdom except through one's madness. Yet, we love life for all the freedom it brings, despite its lack of meaning and purpose."

I love life and let me remain mad forever. Madly in love.

I want to keep this voice in me. I want to remain hopeful. I want to run and hide, away from everyone, the entire undeserving world and whichever place that alphabets can spell i could ignore but one thing for sure the only alphabet that i'd like to really keep close to my heart, is "U". I love you.

男人, 男人。

1. 好男人，多数是丑的。

2. 英俊的男人，多数很坏。

3. 又英俊又好的男人，多数搞同性恋。

4. 又英俊，又好，又很正常的男人，多数已经有老婆。

5. 不英俊，但是好的，没有钱。

6. 不英俊，但是好的，又有钱的男人，多数以为你爱他们，是为了他们的钱。

7. 英俊的男人，没有钱，要和你交朋友，是为了你们的钱。

8. 英俊的男人，又不太好，但是很正常的，多数认为你不够漂亮。

9. 认为你是漂亮，又是正常的男人，虽然温柔又好，但多数不敢约你出去。

10. 有点钱，有点英俊，有点正常，对你有点好，又是没有老婆的男人，从来不采取主动来约你。

11. 不采取主动的男人，女人只好采取主动，这一下子可完了，他们以为你很cheap， 不值得娶你做老婆。

Light up, light up.

Some quiet nights, i do creep out at night to the living room.

Today, I sat in total darkness, staring at the only thing that i can see, the face of my grandfather's clock also known as the Longcase clock, it's glass surface caught the lights from the street lamps outside. The clock's shiny surface stood out in the dark. I could hear the ticking of the clock, "Tick, tick, tick..." on and on in dead silence.

I sat down on the marble floor, my heart beating slowly, as if it was synchronizing to the beat of the clock. I closed my eyes for a slight moment and opened to the chimes of midnight.

I lit up the pink candle that's stuffed in the center of a blueberry muffin. I sat it on the floor, clasped my hand and made a wish, "Lord, this would be a long one. Bless me with wisdom, bless me with knowledge and understanding. As imperfect as i am, lord teach me how to love myself, for i've been disappointed. Lord, guide me to live my dream, for i've lost my guiding hand. Lord, may you bestow health and joy upon me, for i have huge dreams to live for. Thank you for the failures i had. Thank you for the suffering. Thank you for everything. Because without those, i'd probably would never be what i am today."

I blew out the flame, the wax melted all over the circumference of the candle holder leaving an inch of wax. I whispered, "Happy birthday."

From this moment, i was enlightened and that, sometimes letting go does not necessarily mean that you are weak, it actually shows that you're strong enough to let go.

"Happy birthday."

Little House - Amanda Seyfried